Memories of my Sister

May 16, 2012, and my sister Susan has passed away.  I'm still in disbelief, but also a little bit relieved.  It's been more than 4 years since her diagnosis, but it's just been under 2 months since she went to MD Anderson Cancer Center and began her final days with us.  I was able to visit for her 49th birthday in March, and since then I've worried, agonized, prayed, cried, lost sleep, and worried some more.  I knew then that this was probably "it," but I prayed endlessly that I might get to help her celebrate her 50th...or instead, that I might get to visit her for my 44th this August.  I feel like I've already done all my crying in anticipation of what was to come, but I know there will be more as it becomes more real.  At the same time, I know that her last 4-6 weeks on this earth were at the least uncomfortable and at the worst unbearable.  I prayed to God that she be restored to at least decent health, and if not, please make it quick and don't let her suffer long.  He answered one of my prayers.

Susan was my protector of sorts back in our youth.  When I entered 1st grade, she was in 6th, and looked after me when she could at Wimbish Elementary.  As I followed her through Shackelford and Lamar, there was always the distinct air of her previous presence, particularly whenever I heard the teacher's question: "Are you Susan's little brother?"  My teachers all loved Susan.  I hope I measured up.  One of my favorite school memories of Susan came from a classmate of hers.  Years before she developed cancer, Susan was stricken with "Ponce's Disease," as Barry Creamer put it - a condition wherein the patient was so obsessed with perfection that she would recopy by hand an entire page of a composition because there was a single imperfection in paragraph 3...not a problem in the age of word processing, but an issue back in 1980.  Barry was Susan's classmate in the Lamar Class of '81, but at the time he described it to me, he was coaching me in Speech/Debate at Shackelford JH.  And yes, at the time, I proudly suffered from this affliction.

Those were goods times for Susan and me as sister and brother, when we were both trying to overcome our own awkwardness and insecurities, trying to figure out what and who we wanted to be.  Susan and I shared many a late-night conversation in those days.  She used to wonder in college if she was really becoming educated or would later be exposed as an "intellectual fraud."  I think her Distinguished Alumnus Award from UTA in 2006 emphatically responds to that issue.  She once wondered why she didn't have a boyfriend and felt like she might never get married.  I told her then, "Your standards are incredibly high.  You probably intimidate men.  They're afraid of you."  Years later I told her husband David that story, and his joking response was, "I'm afraid of her, too."

In later years, our lives took different paths and we sometimes lamented not having our late-night talks.  But we often found time together.  Not enough, mind you, but I will cherish the quality of our time even as I weep that the quantity has...well...reached its maximum.  I will always cherish some terrific memories:

• Staying up late to watch "The Long, Long Trailer" on Channel 8 back when they aired old movies during the night.  Those were the days before we had a VCR.  That movie is hysterical, more so when you're sleep-deprived, and Susan and I had one heck of a time stifling our laughter so that Mom & Dad wouldn't wake up.
• Watching TV in the "TV room" of our maternal grandparents' house in El Paso while the "elders" conversed in the breakfast area.  We used to keep an ear out for a chance to hear Grandpa's laughter--such a cackle of joy.
• Watching Send Me No Flowers countless times.  Possibly Susan's favorite movie.  Susan's eulogy should begin "They needed a good sport in heaven, so they sent for Susan Ponce."  If you haven't seen it, rent it or buy it and watch it TONIGHT, because you'll appreciate that line and so much more.
• Taking swim lessons with Susan in the summer of 1983.  Neither Susan nor I had formally been instructed in swimming, and by then she was in college and I was entering high school.  Susan took the initiative to find a certified instructor who could give us private lessons in a backyard pool, and there we were, heading across town every day for 2 weeks, catching up on skills we didn't yet have.  You'd have thought I would be embarrassed at taking swim lessons at the age of 14, but it was actually a cool experience I will never forget.  It was also a very "Susan" thing to do--wonder "Why haven't I done this yet?" and then just do it.
• The San Lorenzo Catholic Church Fiesta back in, I think, 1986.  Susan and I were playing games, and I saw a pretty cool slide whistle at the "Hook a Fish" game.   I saw a kid winning one, so I kept my eyes fixed on his fish...number 6.  "I'm going to win that," I told her.  I concentrated, kept my focus, and hooked it.  The attendant picks it up and says, "Number 9," then hands me some cheap thing that I don't even remember.  Susan's probably still laughing at me over that one.
• Driving with Susan to and from her legal internship in Roswell, NM in 1987.  The mobile version of our old late-night conversations.
• Visiting Susan in Gaithersburg, MD, back in the summer of 1993.  I was close to finishing up my teaching certificate, and I spent a week with Susan seeing the DC area as we visited Andrew & Nada as well as Linda & Geoff and the twins.  I arrived literally the night Susan was trying to decide whether or not to move to Houston and take a new job with Brown & Root - a decision that would change her life.
• Visiting Susan in Houston for Easter 1995.  Denise and I were newly married (less than 3 months earlier).  We decided to head to Houston for Easter so that Susan wouldn't have to trek 200 miles north like she did at Christmas and for our wedding.  I had the blessing of a 4-day weekend from school, so we left Thursday night and came home Monday.  What a weekend, mainly because we simply got to relax and enjoy Susan's company.  We saw a preview screening of "While You Were Sleeping" and ate Chinese food (!?!) on Easter Sunday.  50% off Easter candy at Albertson's on Sunday evening.  Why do I remember all the details?  Seems trivial, but it was greatness.
• Laughter.  Lots of hearty laughter.  Sometimes it was because we watched or recounted favorite episodes of TV shows like I Love Lucy (the William Holden episode), The Dick Van Dyke Show ("Stab, stab in the back!  'On the Street Where You Live!'"), or Seinfeld ("You double-dipped a chip!").  Sometimes it was unexpected, like the time we saw Star Trek: The Motion Picture in 1979.  Susan started laughing at the trailer for Airport '79: The Concord, then really started howling during the "Fire Photooon Toorpeeeeedooooooeees!" scene of Star Trek.  (Go back and watch it; it really is laughably bad.)  Either way, I'll always appreciate how raw, how genuine the laughter was.
• Susan's Distinguished Alumni Gala, October 2006.  I will forever cherish the fact that, while all the other inductees praised their instructors at UTA and gave a list of names rivaling the Oscars, Susan was simple, to-the-point, and focused on her family.  Such class, such devotion; it spoke volumes to me about what it means to grow up a Ponce.
• Susan and David's Wedding - October 31, 2009.  Coolest. Wedding. Ever.  It's trite to say, "You had to be there," but you had to be there.

Is this where I should lament the end of her life at only 49 years?  I can't.  I've already wrung my hands over the "Why" of this situation, and I know I will do so again in my own private way.  No, I intend to celebrate Susan and the impact her life had...not just on me, but on every person she knew.

Cheers...to Susan Margaret Ponce, March 22, 1963 - May 16, 2012.  Rest In Peace, my Sister.  I hope you know how much you mean to me.