Memories of my Sister

May 16, 2012, and my sister Susan has passed away.  I'm still in disbelief, but also a little bit relieved.  It's been more than 4 years since her diagnosis, but it's just been under 2 months since she went to MD Anderson Cancer Center and began her final days with us.  I was able to visit for her 49th birthday in March, and since then I've worried, agonized, prayed, cried, lost sleep, and worried some more.  I knew then that this was probably "it," but I prayed endlessly that I might get to help her celebrate her 50th...or instead, that I might get to visit her for my 44th this August.  I feel like I've already done all my crying in anticipation of what was to come, but I know there will be more as it becomes more real.  At the same time, I know that her last 4-6 weeks on this earth were at the least uncomfortable and at the worst unbearable.  I prayed to God that she be restored to at least decent health, and if not, please make it quick and don't let her suffer long.  He answered one of my prayers.

Susan was my protector of sorts back in our youth.  When I entered 1st grade, she was in 6th, and looked after me when she could at Wimbish Elementary.  As I followed her through Shackelford and Lamar, there was always the distinct air of her previous presence, particularly whenever I heard the teacher's question: "Are you Susan's little brother?"  My teachers all loved Susan.  I hope I measured up.  One of my favorite school memories of Susan came from a classmate of hers.  Years before she developed cancer, Susan was stricken with "Ponce's Disease," as Barry Creamer put it - a condition wherein the patient was so obsessed with perfection that she would recopy by hand an entire page of a composition because there was a single imperfection in paragraph 3...not a problem in the age of word processing, but an issue back in 1980.  Barry was Susan's classmate in the Lamar Class of '81, but at the time he described it to me, he was coaching me in Speech/Debate at Shackelford JH.  And yes, at the time, I proudly suffered from this affliction.

Those were goods times for Susan and me as sister and brother, when we were both trying to overcome our own awkwardness and insecurities, trying to figure out what and who we wanted to be.  Susan and I shared many a late-night conversation in those days.  She used to wonder in college if she was really becoming educated or would later be exposed as an "intellectual fraud."  I think her Distinguished Alumnus Award from UTA in 2006 emphatically responds to that issue.  She once wondered why she didn't have a boyfriend and felt like she might never get married.  I told her then, "Your standards are incredibly high.  You probably intimidate men.  They're afraid of you."  Years later I told her husband David that story, and his joking response was, "I'm afraid of her, too."

In later years, our lives took different paths and we sometimes lamented not having our late-night talks.  But we often found time together.  Not enough, mind you, but I will cherish the quality of our time even as I weep that the quantity has...well...reached its maximum.  I will always cherish some terrific memories:

• Staying up late to watch "The Long, Long Trailer" on Channel 8 back when they aired old movies during the night.  Those were the days before we had a VCR.  That movie is hysterical, more so when you're sleep-deprived, and Susan and I had one heck of a time stifling our laughter so that Mom & Dad wouldn't wake up.
• Watching TV in the "TV room" of our maternal grandparents' house in El Paso while the "elders" conversed in the breakfast area.  We used to keep an ear out for a chance to hear Grandpa's laughter--such a cackle of joy.
• Watching Send Me No Flowers countless times.  Possibly Susan's favorite movie.  Susan's eulogy should begin "They needed a good sport in heaven, so they sent for Susan Ponce."  If you haven't seen it, rent it or buy it and watch it TONIGHT, because you'll appreciate that line and so much more.
• Taking swim lessons with Susan in the summer of 1983.  Neither Susan nor I had formally been instructed in swimming, and by then she was in college and I was entering high school.  Susan took the initiative to find a certified instructor who could give us private lessons in a backyard pool, and there we were, heading across town every day for 2 weeks, catching up on skills we didn't yet have.  You'd have thought I would be embarrassed at taking swim lessons at the age of 14, but it was actually a cool experience I will never forget.  It was also a very "Susan" thing to do--wonder "Why haven't I done this yet?" and then just do it.
• The San Lorenzo Catholic Church Fiesta back in, I think, 1986.  Susan and I were playing games, and I saw a pretty cool slide whistle at the "Hook a Fish" game.   I saw a kid winning one, so I kept my eyes fixed on his fish...number 6.  "I'm going to win that," I told her.  I concentrated, kept my focus, and hooked it.  The attendant picks it up and says, "Number 9," then hands me some cheap thing that I don't even remember.  Susan's probably still laughing at me over that one.
• Driving with Susan to and from her legal internship in Roswell, NM in 1987.  The mobile version of our old late-night conversations.
• Visiting Susan in Gaithersburg, MD, back in the summer of 1993.  I was close to finishing up my teaching certificate, and I spent a week with Susan seeing the DC area as we visited Andrew & Nada as well as Linda & Geoff and the twins.  I arrived literally the night Susan was trying to decide whether or not to move to Houston and take a new job with Brown & Root - a decision that would change her life.
• Visiting Susan in Houston for Easter 1995.  Denise and I were newly married (less than 3 months earlier).  We decided to head to Houston for Easter so that Susan wouldn't have to trek 200 miles north like she did at Christmas and for our wedding.  I had the blessing of a 4-day weekend from school, so we left Thursday night and came home Monday.  What a weekend, mainly because we simply got to relax and enjoy Susan's company.  We saw a preview screening of "While You Were Sleeping" and ate Chinese food (!?!) on Easter Sunday.  50% off Easter candy at Albertson's on Sunday evening.  Why do I remember all the details?  Seems trivial, but it was greatness.
• Laughter.  Lots of hearty laughter.  Sometimes it was because we watched or recounted favorite episodes of TV shows like I Love Lucy (the William Holden episode), The Dick Van Dyke Show ("Stab, stab in the back!  'On the Street Where You Live!'"), or Seinfeld ("You double-dipped a chip!").  Sometimes it was unexpected, like the time we saw Star Trek: The Motion Picture in 1979.  Susan started laughing at the trailer for Airport '79: The Concord, then really started howling during the "Fire Photooon Toorpeeeeedooooooeees!" scene of Star Trek.  (Go back and watch it; it really is laughably bad.)  Either way, I'll always appreciate how raw, how genuine the laughter was.
• Susan's Distinguished Alumni Gala, October 2006.  I will forever cherish the fact that, while all the other inductees praised their instructors at UTA and gave a list of names rivaling the Oscars, Susan was simple, to-the-point, and focused on her family.  Such class, such devotion; it spoke volumes to me about what it means to grow up a Ponce.
• Susan and David's Wedding - October 31, 2009.  Coolest. Wedding. Ever.  It's trite to say, "You had to be there," but you had to be there.

Is this where I should lament the end of her life at only 49 years?  I can't.  I've already wrung my hands over the "Why" of this situation, and I know I will do so again in my own private way.  No, I intend to celebrate Susan and the impact her life had...not just on me, but on every person she knew.

Cheers...to Susan Margaret Ponce, March 22, 1963 - May 16, 2012.  Rest In Peace, my Sister.  I hope you know how much you mean to me.

The questions you ask reveal volumes about you...

So we had "Tell It Like It Is" in class the other day, where recent graduates come back to share their college experiences with current seniors. Not a bad idea. The recent grads actually had some good things to say - they focused on the self-reliance necessary in college, they highlighted the need to attend class and study, they emphasized the idea that students pay for college, and cutting class is essentially wasting your own money.

But the questions some of my current students ask...WTH. Here's a sampling of the topics:
1) What happens if you get into a fight
2) What happens if people in the dorm hear your, shall we say, "physical activity"
3) Whether a teacher can take away your cell phone
4) What happens if you get in trouble with law enforcement
5) What happens if you cuss on campus
6) What sort of dorm space is available for a married couple with a child
7) What happens if you cheat on a test
8) How someone can possibly think of enough ideas to write a 10-page paper
9) Whether or not the school provides you a big screen TV in your dorm room
10) How many parties a week a typical student could attend

Gee, what's the message here? "I have no intention of actually getting educated. I'm going to college for the social experience, I only care about sex, my phone, and my TV, and I'm mainly interested in how much I can 'get away with.' I'm an idiot who's going to waste gigantic amounts of money to drink and screw, and I have no interest in graduating."

I actually had to step into the conversation at one point and say, "Look. You're going to college to get an education. There are social aspects, but those are necessary to release tension from all the studying and all the work. If you're actually a serious student, you DON'T HAVE TIME to get in trouble. You have time to take care of what you're paying thousands of dollars to do."

Imagine being a hiring manager and a prospective candidate is interviewing with you. They ask you, "So what would happen if my girlfriend and are too loud in the broom closet? Also, what if I freak out and start punching a co-worker? Is that 'frowned upon?'"

Apparently, George Costanza is all too real.

Why the long face, Rangers fans?

Yes, I know. The Rangers lost the World Series. But you did realize, when they advanced for the second straight year, this was a possibility, right? The other team's pretty good, too, y'know. Oh, OK, they were down to the last strike, TWICE. Yes, but you have to get 3. How many times have the Rangers themselves delivered big hits with 2 strikes? It happens, sometimes at the moment that's the most excruciating.

I understand the pain. But I am tired of the defeatism - the idea that this was a collapse, or a failure, the idea that this team will be forever altered, tainted, or destroyed. Game 6 was a game filled with mistakes, and the Cardinals capitalized on one more than the Rangers did to win. The Cardinals were fortunate. Had the Rangers won, THEY would have been fortunate. The Rangers had a hopeful but tenuous lead against a team that showed no signs of quitting. Game 6, like the entire Series, was a collection of prize-fighting punches, back-and-forth. St Louis got in the last punch of Game 6, punched back early in Game 7, punched again, and it was over. Had this occurred earlier in the Series, the Rangers might well have rebounded, but there's no rebound from Game 7.

As for the future, haven't we heard that this team is poised to contend for years to come? Just imagine if Derek Holland continues his growth to the top of the rotation. Imagine if Neftali Feliz thrives back in a starting role. Imagine if they're able to trade for a big arm (Clayton Kershaw?). Either way, this team will be fine. These guys showed more guts than any team I've ever seen, all season long. Had they gotten a timely rainout Friday, they might've had no ill effects in Game 7. I know the stats are against a third World Series, but weren't these guys not even supposed to be here once, let alone twice? Perhaps the third time's a charm, and perhaps that third time is as early as next year.

No matter what, I refuse to believe this team failed. They gave us another thrill ride for a second straight season, and their best season ever. It ended in excruciatingly disappointing fashion, but it's not failure. Failure is teams like the Cubs and Mets, with huge payrolls but without any meaningful games in September. Failure is the Houston Astros, losing 100 games. Failure is the team down the street winning one playoff game in the past 15 seasons, getting throttled on Sunday Night Football. Failure was trading for Justin Thompson, signing Chan Ho Park, signing A-Rod for too much money, trading for Brandon McCarthy, trading away Adrian Gonzalez...pretty much anything that happened while Tom Hicks owned the team. We're not quite 2 years into the ownership of Nolan Ryan, et al, and we have 2 American League pennants to show for it. This is a disappointing end to a fabulous season taking place in a magical time in Rangers history. I, for one, am still enjoying the ride.

A Part of my Sports Psyche I've Never Experienced

The Texas Rangers moved to Arlington the same year I did - 1972. They arrived in April; I was 3 years old going on 4 when I came that summer. I didn't know much about anything back then, but I was slightly aware in '73 when David Clyde set the town on its ear, and even more aware in '74 when Billy Martin's team finished 2nd to the eventual 3-time World Champion Oakland A's (who I also liked). Went to Bat Night in '74 and was mesmerized by the crowds in the outfield bleachers.

I was a Junior Ranger in '76-'78 - drank Dr. Pepper like crazy to get the bottle cap liners for my membership. It was during that time that my dad took me to games using my Junior Ranger ticket allotment. We'd sit in the bleachers near the right field foul pole, where I got to see Reggie Jackson playing for the Orioles, and usually Dave May, Kurt Bevacqua, or Richie Zisk for the Rangers. That was where my dad taught me that you don't "boo" the other team, but respect their success when it happens. I also remember the addition of the "upper deck" (if you can call it that) at Arlington Stadium.

My interest waned a little in the early 80s while I was adjusting to hormonal changes in junior high, but I still followed the team. In the late 80s I really enjoyed working nacho stand #311 with my fraternity brothers and watching Bobby Valentine's teams, who would contend but never truly achieve. My father-in-law was a ticket-seller when the Ballpark opened in '94, and for a couple of years it was awesome - he could get us in on his discount and we'd enjoy the red-hat Rangers in a beautiful venue.

Then Tom Hicks bought the team, raised prices, eliminated employee perks, and my Rangers fandom was tainted. Yet I still attended games whenever I could (usually in August when they were playing for pride and offering substantial discounts). I remember April 2001 seeing a Saturday game with my pregnant wife and her family. "Michael Young's going to be a good player for this team," I announced. Yeah, I called it.

Like other Rangers fans, I enjoyed Jim Sundberg, Buddy Bell, Fergie Jenkins, Steve Buechele, Ruben Sierra, Pudge, and of course, Nolan, to name a few. I suffered through the Harold Baines trade and Dean Palmer's defense. I watched the playoff losses to the Yankees. I watched A-Rod pile up huge meaningless stats after the game was decided, and I remember how he was the king of the strikeout or double-play when it mattered most.

But I have never prepared for this.

The Rangers clinched the West on Sept. 25. They opened the playoffs on Oct. 6, and I am OBSESSED. Have been for a month now. I followed every pitch of every postseason game any way I could - TV, radio, internet. I followed the weekday games on the internet even while I was teaching class, for crying out loud. I've stayed up late so many nights, relishing victory or lamenting defeat. The World Series ended 2 nights ago, and I'm still engrossed.

NEVER, in my life, have I been this consumed by a sport or a team. I've watched the Cowboys, Mavericks, and Stars play for championships, but when it was over, win or lose, it was over. But this Rangers season has lasted so long and tasted so sweet, I cannot get past it. Here I am posting at length on my blog instead of working. Someone help me.

I hope to get some closure this evening at the rally. Plus, pitchers and catchers report in only about 100 days. Yeah, baby. Now I have a taste of how Red Sox, Cubs, and yes, Yankees fans feel.

BAD MOVIES YOU HAVE TO SEE

1. Top Gun
Stilted acting, predictable storyline, dated soundtrack ("Take My Breathe Away"...wow). And Kelly McGillis...simply not hot. BUT, it's the blueprint for the classic Tom Cruise vehicle: hotshot struts his stuff, faces adversity, then *TA-DA* overcomes it and earns respect.
"You can be my wingman anytime." "You can be mine." Really? That's it? "You can be mine." THAT'S all you have to say, now that your former nemesis, who thought you were a cocky menace, now trusts you with his life? Unbelievable.
2. Footloose
Where to begin...the main characters are Ren and Ariel (!?!). Virtually every dance/music sequence is HELLA GAY, especially the Kenny Loggins "I'm Free" sequence. And in the closing scene, teenagers who've been deprived of dancing most of their lives suddenly move like pros.
3. The Breakfast Club
Ultra-stereotyped characters. (No teacher is that much of an embittered jerk) Emilio Estevez and Anthony Michael Hall trying to cry. Judd Nelson's alien nostrils. Yikes.
4. Dirty Dancing
Loaded with kitschy music, cheesy dialogue, and a preachy story. Johnny Castle, "Baby" Houseman...who calls their their 17-year-old "Baby?" "Nobody puts Baby in a corner." At least not until she has a nose job - then you can put her career in the trash can.
5. Rocky III
The original Rocky was brilliant. Rocky II...good. Rocky III? C'mon...Mr. T as Clubber Lang, saying "I pity the fool." Overemphasis on the hackneyed "training" scenes. And "Eye of the Tiger"...that guy's better on the Bud Light commercials.
6. The Karate Kid
Featuring "You're the Best Around," a song originally written for...Rocky III! "Sweep the Leg." The Crane Technique. And best of all, Miyagi rubbing his hands together to heal what is likely a torn ACL. (If only NFL players knew this guy.) You gotta love when Daniel and Ali kiss as "Almost Paradise" plays...oh, wait, that's Footloose.

Lastest Signs of the Apocalypse

Two things have occurred this week that I find highly disturbing:
1) On Monday, my high school's principal got on the PA during announcements to welcome everyone back. He mentioned that certain rule enforcement would be tightened up during the remaining days, among them sagging pants. "We have a problem with some of our young men exposing their underwear," he said. "We don't want to see your underwear."

Let that sink in for a moment.

"We don't want to see your underwear."

This is what supposed "fashion" has come to...teenage boys showing us their drawers, as it were.

NEVER would I have imagined a high school principal having to instruct students not to expose their underwear. What's next? "We don't want to see your genitals?"

2) Channel 5 News this morning ran a live spot in front of a local school. The subject was the impending "arctic blast" expected on Thursday and Friday, and the "policies" schools were adopting...ABOUT THE COLD.

Let me get this straight: we're about to encounter TWO DAYS of unseasonably cold weather. No ice, no snow expected. Lows in the teens and highs below freezing. And we're supposed to issue a POLICY?

How about this? Parents, what are YOU going to do in the cold? Keep the kids inside and make sure the heater's on? Yeah, NO KIDDING. That's what common sense dictates, and it's exactly what we're going to do.

To Parents and the Media: Please, please, PLEASE trust school officials to be decent, smart, caring people. Most of us are. You hear about the morons because they're unusual and therefore newsworthy. But we're all college-educated, and we have enough sense not to leave your children naked in the freezing cold. Give us some credit.

Ten Things I Hope To See Less in '10

1. Jon & Kate: Perhaps the two least-appealing reality TV stars ever. She simply seems evil, and he's got this notion that he's a ladies' man.
2. The Jackson Family: The favorite son falls into a life of obscurity and freakdom. Then he dies a tragic and shocking death, and now the spare sons have a reality show and Joe is plugging his new business ventures during interviews about Michael's death. Ugh.
3. Kanye West: In another 4 years he'll do something else controversial to get attention.
4. Sagging pants: Perhaps one day young men will realize that in prison, wearing your pants low means you like it from behind.
5. Lady Gaga: Is she even a female?
6. Miley Cyrus: Mediocre voice + Disney marketing machine = lots of sales to tweeners. But remember this rule: Tweeners grow up and their heroes/heroines fall into obscurity (Footnote: see Duff, Hillary)
7. The Jonas Brothers: There's something truly creepy about guys in their mid-20s playing to 14-year-old girls. Maybe now that the one with the receding hairline is married they'll move on.
8. The Twilight Series: I'm sure the books are good and the latest movie has some visual punch. I'm just tired of the overhype.
9. Glenn Beck: It was heartening to see stacks upon stacks of his latest on clearance at Costco after Christmas, because it means people aren't buying it.
10. Tiger Woods: Here's hoping Tiger tries to work in fewer ho's..., er, I mean, HOLES this year. (Wow, that still sounds bad.)